28. Thank you, Dad!

It is the time of year, for me, of reflection and giving thanks. I have the privilege of having a dear father, age 102, who is also grandfather of my children, and great-grandfather of my grandchildren! This is the letter I sent to my “pop” this week:

Dear Pop, I have decided to let the people in my life know how much I cherish them. You get to be first! I recently pinpointed on a map all the places I’ve lived, and you were a supportive caring constant in my life all the while I was growing up.

– I cherish the memories of our visits to the farm, with cousins and animals and visits to the school your dad helped build, I think, and where our brother’s kids attended,

– my first school experience (kindergarten, where I waited and waited for the teacher to come visit, not knowing she wasn’t coming until the following week!),
 
– sneaking my cat into bed in Ann Arbor,
 
– and even that fateful climb up the steps to apologize to the neighbor in the upstairs apartment for eating her delicious canned peaches–that I couldn’t wait to show you when you came home that day!
 
– The cards and letters with X’s and O’s when you were away in the Army, Continue reading

26. Grandparents: Keeping Your “Cool” with Grandchild’s “Bad” Behaviors

TR writes: My grandson (age 7) and granddaughter (age 5) stay with us after school 3 days a week until their dad picks them up after supper. I insist that they eat some of their vegetables, and sometimes my grandson refuses, the children get into verbal fighs with each other, I raise my voice, and my grandson stalking off. While I don’t go with the idea of “experts” who know better than we do, I feel bad about the situation getting out of control and don’t want my grandchildren to not want to be with us.

A couple of issues here:
1. How to handle a situation when a grandchild refuses to do what you have asked;
2. How relevant are “experts” to our lives?

“Experts” do have suggestions for making situations better, and there is lots of “expert advice” now available through the internet and through books and magazine articles. But, as grandparents, we also have lots of experience Continue reading

24. Holidays: Joy or Stress (updated 12/12/12)

Holidays: Want to, need to, do them differently this year?

Are your grandchildren out of school and visiting during the holidays? Do they say there’s nothing to do?

1. A most practical newsletter article (Dec 2012) comes from 123Magic Parenting website. The author suggests building some structure into each day. (I recall those crazy days when school recesses for a couple of weeks, Continue reading

19. Helping grandchildren with homework: How much?

LS, CA, asks: My grandson is in his last month of his sophomore year, and he has been assigned to research and write a paper on a complicated subject. He has one week to complete this assignment, and with other homework, sports, and a part-time job, he has asked me to help him with it. I’ve done a bit of writing papers in school and work. I’m not sure how much to help him. If I help him, will that be teaching him that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his own work?

Dear LS, By helping him, you can help him “learn how to do it.” He can complete his high school requirements and can learn some tools Continue reading

18. Showing the grandkids where we came from and how we got here: Perspectives from history

Historical places are all around us, and we can bring the struggles and sacrifices, successes and failures, motivations and values, to life for our grandchildren. Today’s children could use a larger perspective of life, looking beyond their immediate lives, and an appreciation of the contributions of those who came before us. In spite of Garrison Keeler’s wise reminder to us older folks to stop whining about having to walk miles to school in snowstorms, or similar stories we may have, because  the kids aren’t interested (New York Times, don’t remember the date!), they can be engaged in experiences Continue reading

17. Problems at preschool spill over to stress at home

DW, wrote: My step-daughter who is 37 and her son who is 4 1/2 yrs old live with my husband and i. He has received a few ”notes to home” from the pre-school to address the issues about throwing a toy at school or taking a toy from one of the other kids and when the teacher asks him about it, he obviously tells her “it’s not me.” My daughter called him a liar. LIAR is such a harsh word to be called as a adult much less a 4 yr old child. I have asked her to stop calling him that, not dismissing the issue about telling the truth to mommy or grandma or teachers, but explaining in a less nasty way why he should  tell the truth, and she is upset about itI think she is mad about my input as to her parenting techniques with this issue, rather then anything else but i am beginning to question myself on anything i say. Just trying to find some common ground with others who may be in the same situations. Any help would be appreciated. Worried Grandma

My response: Dear Worried Grandma, My heart goes out to you and your daughter in this situation. In the first place, the preschool staff have a responsibility to help children with any behavior problems that come up, Continue reading

15. I wish my grandson would be interested in art activities

LG, Oregon, writes: I was hoping when my grandson went to preschool, he would be interested in art activities, but he wants to spend most of his time playing outside.

Sometimes the very thing we want our children to be interested in is just the thing they avoid! That may come from the child’s responding negatively to a pressure they feel from the adult. This is especially true in creative areas, as creativity needs space, room, opportunity–with time to explore in a non-judgmental atmosphere. “Process” Continue reading

13. Mealtime difficult with young ones? Healthy snacks can suffice!

KN, CA, writes that when her grandchildren stay over, they don’t seem to eat well at dinnertime.

This is a common complaint with young children, whose appetites vary day-by-day and time of day. They may fuss over your favorite meals, or ”aren’t hungry” by the time dinner is served. If you can’t adjust the meals or the times of the meals to work for the children, preparing healthy snacks for them will give them the day’s nutrients they need.

Low-fat, low-sugar, and added veges, fruits, and protein foods can be accomplished with a little planning ahead. For meals, a rule of thumb is to have a protein, and fruit or vege, and a carbo (bread, cracker, grain, noodle, etc.). Continue reading

10. Granddad and the Grandkids

LM, San Francisco, writes: My husband loves having our grandchildren visit, but he doesn’t really get down to their level and do things with them. They are 6 and 9. He’s retired now, and I’d like to encourage him to be more active with them.

Have you spoken with him about the subject? Children used to be women’s domain, and men’s and women’s roles were assumed—but many men are now very active with their children. Your grandchildren are at wonderful ages—before the teen years bring new preoccupations. Assuming “granddad” is interested in being more actively involved with them, suggest some things Continue reading

5. Early years: Six things to know

ü       Young children are developing trust and forming their “point of view” at very early ages

ü       Young children learn from how the adults interact with each other as well as how the adults interact with them

ü       When you believe in a child, they can believe in themselves (If an adult says “bad boy,” or “bad girl,” the child thinks adults must be right)

ü       Young children often want to do more than they can physically do Continue reading

4. Six-year-old: homework vs. play time

Jean from NC writes: My husband and I watch my grandson after school until his parents pick him up after work. He brings homework that my son expects him to finish at our house, but he just wants to run around with the dog and a ball.

To begin, why homework at six? And how regimented is his school day? “Running around” may be the best thing for him, physically and emotionally. I like the Waldorf School approach (Wikipedia), where learning is through play until about 7, where “reading and writing” are introducted, Continue reading

3. When grandchildren are far away:

Use technology to keep in touch:

  • Join a social networking site (never done that? ask the young ones for help!). Requirements: a computer, internet connection (suggestion: broadband from cable company), a photo of yourself or your choosing in digital format on your computer (download from digital camera)
  • Does your computer have a webcam? Continue reading