Tag Archives: adult children

28. Thank you, Dad!

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It is the time of year, for me, of reflection and giving thanks. I have the privilege of having a dear father, age 102, who is also grandfather of my children, and great-grandfather of my grandchildren! This is the letter I sent to my “pop” this week:

Dear Pop, I have decided to let the people in my life know how much I cherish them. You get to be first! I recently pinpointed on a map all the places I’ve lived, and you were a supportive caring constant in my life all the while I was growing up.

– I cherish the memories of our visits to the farm, with cousins and animals and visits to the school your dad helped build, I think, and where our brother’s kids attended,

– my first school experience (kindergarten, where I waited and waited for the teacher to come visit, not knowing she wasn’t coming until the following week!),
 
– sneaking my cat into bed in Ann Arbor,
 
– and even that fateful climb up the steps to apologize to the neighbor in the upstairs apartment for eating her delicious canned peaches–that I couldn’t wait to show you when you came home that day!
 
– The cards and letters with X’s and O’s when you were away in the Army, Continue reading →

25. Sexuality Education is Important!

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My grandson brought home a permission slip for participation in sex education in his 5th grade class at school. My son-in-law doesn’t think his son should participate. I think sexuality education is important, but I don’t know what to say to him about the subject.

Before your son-in-law says “no,” suggest that he ask the teacher to review with him the curriculum that will be used. He might be surprised at the content. In addition to human development, Continue reading →

20. As a senior, with the children grown and gone, should I downsize?

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From Jean, IL: My children are grown and have moved on. I am a widow, and I am thinking of selling my home to downsize. Two of my children are making noises that things won’t be the same if their families can’t come to visit grandma on holidays. I think they wish they could visit their old neighborhood and their old rooms! Is it wrong of me to want to make this change?

Dear Jean, My opinion (and an opinion only): I think making a positive change that will allow you to live in comfort is a good thing! Aside from the financial savings and possible negative ramifications (selling the house may create a profit that can be taxed, even if you purchase a less expensive home–best to verify those issues with an expert), there are many other issues Continue reading →

17. Problems at preschool spill over to stress at home

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DW, wrote: My step-daughter who is 37 and her son who is 4 1/2 yrs old live with my husband and i. He has received a few ”notes to home” from the pre-school to address the issues about throwing a toy at school or taking a toy from one of the other kids and when the teacher asks him about it, he obviously tells her “it’s not me.” My daughter called him a liar. LIAR is such a harsh word to be called as a adult much less a 4 yr old child. I have asked her to stop calling him that, not dismissing the issue about telling the truth to mommy or grandma or teachers, but explaining in a less nasty way why he should  tell the truth, and she is upset about itI think she is mad about my input as to her parenting techniques with this issue, rather then anything else but i am beginning to question myself on anything i say. Just trying to find some common ground with others who may be in the same situations. Any help would be appreciated. Worried Grandma

My response: Dear Worried Grandma, My heart goes out to you and your daughter in this situation. In the first place, the preschool staff have a responsibility to help children with any behavior problems that come up, Continue reading →

11. Denied access to grandchildren! Can this be corrected or avoided?

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I was saddened by stories (www.grandparents.com) of those who have been denied seeing their grandchildren by their own adult child and/or their adult child’s partner. I would suggest we step back and take a long look at the expectations we have of family (i.e., as a teacher of parents, one pet peeve I have had is when parents say to their young children, “You will get married,” “You will have children.” Do they say that because they are anxious that their children may not want to do this and need “programming?” Or because they want grandchildren to indulge?) Maybe the problems are long-standing. In whatever context, these type of expectations are presumptuous.

I would approach building my relationships with my grandchildren Continue reading →

6. Retirement: My time vs. family’s needs

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Liz from NM asks: I will be retiring next month. My daughter and her family live about 15 minutes away, and I’m concerned that my time and energy will be gobbled up by family needs. I see my daughter exhausted from her job as chief cook and bottle washer, with three children–and my instinct is to help in any way I can. But I also look forward to doing things that I’ve never had time to do before.

Congratuations on your retirement! If you can look ahead, think about the days, times, and the amount of times you will typically want and need for yourself (I found that having a structure in my week was helpful–both to me and for setting limits on outside demands Continue reading →

1. Parents of 2-yr-old don’t always agree

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Every person has their own reactions and limits to a child’s behavior–that is to be expected! My suggestions:

  • Have adults agree that one adult with handle a situation, while the others step back. This will allow the child to focus on their interaction with only one person. (Children study and are aware of our patterns of responding to them.)
  • Grandparents support your children, Continue reading →