26. Grandparents: Keeping Your “Cool” with Grandchild’s “Bad” Behaviors

Posted on February 9, 2013 by Jan

TR writes: My grandson (age 7) and granddaughter (age 5) stay with us after school 3 days a week until their dad picks them up after supper. I insist that they eat some of their vegetables, and sometimes my grandson refuses, the children get into verbal fighs with each other, I raise my voice, and my grandson stalking off. While I don’t go with the idea of “experts” who know better than we do, I feel bad about the situation getting out of control and don’t want my grandchildren to not want to be with us.

A couple of issues here:
1. How to handle a situation when a grandchild refuses to do what you have asked;
2. How relevant are “experts” to our lives?

“Experts” do have suggestions for making situations better, and there is lots of “expert advice” now available through the internet and through books and magazine articles. But, as grandparents, we also have lots of experience Continue reading →

25. Sexuality Education is Important!

Posted on January 3, 2013 by Jan

My grandson brought home a permission slip for participation in sex education in his 5^th grade class at school. My son-in-law doesn’t think his son should participate. I think sexuality education is important, but I don’t know what to say to him about the subject.

Before your son-in-law says “no,” suggest that he ask the teacher to review with him the curriculum that will be used. He might be surprised at the content. In addition to human development, Continue reading →

24. Holidays: Joy or Stress (updated 12/12/12)

Posted on December 17, 2012 by Jan

Holidays: Want to, need to, do them differently this year?

Are your grandchildren out of school and visiting during the holidays? Do they say there’s nothing to do?

1. A most practical newsletter article (Dec 2012) comes from 123Magic Parenting website. The author suggests building some structure into each day. (I recall those crazy days when school recesses for a couple of weeks, Continue reading →

21. Grandchildren: Limiting the Junk Foods

Posted on October 5, 2012 by Jan

MS, IA, writes: “I worry about the “junk food” my grandchildren, ages 9 and 11, consume on a regular basis. I’m not sure how to approach the issue with my son and daughter-in-law. I know they don’t always have time to cook the most nutritious meals after they get home from work. And I try to provide good meals when the grandchildren are at our home, but they don’t always like what we serve.”

I would first concentrate on what I can do when the children are at my home. I’d ask their parents what foods the children like, from fruits and vegetables, grains, dairy, and meats. I would simply say that we are planning to improve our diets Continue reading →

19. Helping grandchildren with homework: How much?

Posted on June 11, 2012 by Jan

LS, CA, asks: My grandson is in his last month of his sophomore year, and he has been assigned to research and write a paper on a complicated subject. He has one week to complete this assignment, and with other homework, sports, and a part-time job, he has asked me to help him with it. I’ve done a bit of writing papers in school and work. I’m not sure how much to help him. If I help him, will that be teaching him that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his own work?

Dear LS, By helping him, you can help him “learn how to do it.” He can complete his high school requirements and can learn some tools Continue reading →

18. Showing the grandkids where we came from and how we got here: Perspectives from history

Posted on April 28, 2012 by Jan

Historical places are all around us, and we can bring the struggles and sacrifices, successes and failures, motivations and values, to life for our grandchildren. Today’s children could use a larger perspective of life, looking beyond their immediate lives, and an appreciation of the contributions of those who came before us. In spite of Garrison Keeler’s wise reminder to us older folks to stop whining about having to walk miles to school in snowstorms, or similar stories we may have, because the kids aren’t interested (New York Times, don’t remember the date!), they can be engaged in experiences Continue reading →

13. Mealtime difficult with young ones? Healthy snacks can suffice!

Posted on January 19, 2012 by Jan

KN, CA, writes that when her grandchildren stay over, they don’t seem to eat well at dinnertime.

This is a common complaint with young children, whose appetites vary day-by-day and time of day. They may fuss over your favorite meals, or ”aren’t hungry” by the time dinner is served. If you can’t adjust the meals or the times of the meals to work for the children, preparing healthy snacks for them will give them the day’s nutrients they need.

Low-fat, low-sugar, and added veges, fruits, and protein foods can be accomplished with a little planning ahead. For meals, a rule of thumb is to have a protein, and fruit or vege, and a carbo (bread, cracker, grain, noodle, etc.). Continue reading →

11. Denied access to grandchildren! Can this be corrected or avoided?

Posted on November 13, 2011 by Jan

I was saddened by stories (www.grandparents.com) of those who have been denied seeing their grandchildren by their own adult child and/or their adult child’s partner. I would suggest we step back and take a long look at the expectations we have of family (i.e., as a teacher of parents, one pet peeve I have had is when parents say to their young children, “You will get married,” “You will have children.” Do they say that because they are anxious that their children may not want to do this and need “programming?” Or because they want grandchildren to indulge?) Maybe the problems are long-standing. In whatever context, these type of expectations are presumptuous.

I would approach building my relationships with my grandchildren Continue reading →

8. Helping children overcome bullying

Posted on October 1, 2011 by Jan

Bullying has been with us, it seems, forever, and schools are the opportune places where the “bullies” have operated. Parents and grandparents have long faced the effects of bullying, but It has become increasingly obvious to others, including lawmakers, that bullying is damaging and not acceptable in schools.

Is your grandchild being bullied because of his or her religion, race, looks, speech, sexual orientation? What can grandparents do to respond to bullying? Or, is your grandchild doing some bullying? Bullying hurts both the bullied (depression and low self-esteem, lack of interest in schoolwork, school drop-out, suicide ideation and attempts) and the bullier (health problems, including increased incidence of future criminal behavior). A conversation with your adult child Continue reading →

7. Helping children develop their own sense of self and be safe in this internet/facebook/social networking age

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Jan

Grandparents have a unique opportunity to help their grandchildren in ways that busy parents may not be able to do. We often see an overview of family dynamics and can see the effects of the media overload, instant-gratification, but not-enough-attention, that plagues our families. Visits to “grandma’s house,” where we can take time for 2-way communication with the children, can be a rejuvenating experience that will help children as they interact with the world.

Goldie Hawn’s Foundation’s program, MindUP (www.thehawnfoundation.org/curriculum), addresses the onslaught of media, the effects of parents working and being away from home many hours of the day, and the resulting lack of ability and opportunity to focus on inner growth and self awareness. Continue reading →

4. Six-year-old: homework vs. play time

Posted on August 19, 2011 by Jan

Jean from NC writes: My husband and I watch my grandson after school until his parents pick him up after work. He brings homework that my son expects him to finish at our house, but he just wants to run around with the dog and a ball.

To begin, why homework at six? And how regimented is his school day? “Running around” may be the best thing for him, physically and emotionally. I like the Waldorf School approach (Wikipedia), where learning is through play until about 7, where “reading and writing” are introducted, Continue reading →

3. When grandchildren are far away:

Posted on August 18, 2011 by Jan

Use technology to keep in touch:

Join a social networking site (never done that? ask the young ones for help!). Requirements: a computer, internet connection (suggestion: broadband from cable company), a photo of yourself or your choosing in digital format on your computer (download from digital camera)
Does your computer have a webcam? Continue reading →

GRANDPARENT OPTIONS

What is a grandparent to do?

Category Archives: Middle Years